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London City can be a bit grey. The sky is generally grey and overcast. The buildings are cold grey stone and all lined up in a row staring down on you imposingly. The people are generally dressed in black or grey…
Now don’t go getting the wrong impression here, it’s not something to get down about (ok, the grey sky is a little depressing), it’s all actually all a set up – just one big bold backdrop for all the great RED stuff! Double Decker buses, telephone booths and post boxes – things that make the London world beautiful, all in the iconic RED; a constant reminder that you cannot possibly be anywhere else.
Did they do it on purpose? Did all the powers that be all get together and say “red, yes, LOVE it” and go paint everything? As nice as that sounds, I doubt it.
And after a little bit of Wikipedia-ing it turns out that the Post Boxes (they seem to be called Pillar boxes?) did come first – in 1852 to be precise – but they were initially painted green so as to not be too obtrusive. Turns out they were too unobtrusive and people kept bumping into them (!) so they repainted them all red in 1874. Telephone boxes were also commissioned by the Post Office in the 1920s and painted red to match. The first motor buses were introduced in 1902 (to replace the horse and carriage variety) and were initially painted red in London and green in the country.
Whatever the reason, it’s a brilliant piece of town branding either way. Smart work London, and to me, extremely beautiful…
So as I walked out of Heathrow airport upon our first arrival in London I have to say my first impression was that London smelt like an ice rink… cold, wet…. and a little bit like B.O. I’m not trying to be rude, and I already can’t smell it, but that’s exactly what I was reminded of.
Harry Potter flies through London
So moving to London… what to expect? As the London Lonely Planet guide points out: “everyone comes to London with a preconception of the metropolis shaped by a multitude of books, movies, TV shows and songs”. Luckily I have seen lots of UK TV and movies… I’ve even read a few books!
I’ve already got London mapped out in my head thanks to the latest Harry Potter movies. The Order of Phoenix zoomed along the Thames and past Big Ben when rescuing Harry from Privet Drive. The Death Eaters cause mayhem by blowing up Millennium Bridge. Arthur Weasley takes Harry to his Ministry hearing on the tube. Even the sepia style cinematography gives me a good indication of London weather – that is grey with a little bit of brown.
I even took the time to pick up a few English colloquialisms from the expert teachings of Bart Simpson before my arrival: “Shine your boots governor?” and “Penny for your thoughts?” are sure fire winners down at the pub.
I expect the English government to be a shambles as its run by politicians and civil servants like Jim Hacker and Sir Humphrey from Yes, Minister.
Fashion is big in London and dominated by the avant-garde – the absolutely fabulous Vivien Westwood, John Galliano… Patsy and Edina.
I am extremely concerned about the men of London; they are either going to be bumbling pushover’s (Hugh Grant, Bridget Jones’ dad, Hugh Grant) or unattainable too-cool tough guys (Robbie Williams, the dude in Trainspotting, Lawrence of Arabia) or grumpy old geezers (the Full Monty Guys, Heathcliff, Scrooge, Rumpole).
I am even more converned for the women - all I can think is Ladette to Lady!
On a positive note, the English countryside is straight out of a Jane Austen novel (or movie!) - the green rolling hills, quaint villages and manor houses… where empire line gowns are all the rage and “express post” involves a man riding very fast on horseback.
And even better, the countryside provides a light at the end of the Austen Powers bad teeth tunnel, if you are lucky you may meet just meet your Mr Rights – literally MR rights – Mr Darcy, Mr Bingley, Mr Knightly – lack of a first name is a small price to pay if you ask me, sigh.
And everybody know to stay away from Scotland for goodness sakes, else risk the blue-faced, bared-bottomed, skirt-wearing Mel Gibson lookalike Scots who come and claim you while you sleep.
If there is one thing to be learnt from all this it’s that those Londoners certainly have a sense of humour…. his name is John Cleese.
Look out London, here I come.
louashton
